Being Single in Your Later Years
Happy Random Tuesday….. As promised, I will be talking about something that indiscriminately comes to mind. So, I got to thinking – what will I write about today? After answering a few phone calls and emails, it finally came to me. When you are younger, there is a great possibility that all or most of your friends are single. When you are older, a majority of your friends are pairing off and starting families. When you become my age, everyone has familial obligations. All of my friends are either married, married with children, or single with children. This is natural for people my age. Though, it isn’t all kicks and giggles when you are the only one in the group who is single. Allow me to explain.
You are pretty much alone and tend to gravitate more towards individuals who are younger- not too much younger- because they share a few similarities. Those parallels are that they can get up and go without having to make prior plans – no checking in with the spouse or no calling a baby-sitter – before leaving the house. You don’t have to explain to them that the children cannot come along to this particular event. On the other hand, you feel out of place with the younger crowd because your interests are far different. For example, the younger friends may want to go to a club or something of that nature. It is completely understandable, at their ages, going to clubs is a’ rite of passage’. I have not been in a club for at least five or six years – and have no plans in doing so. What is a woman like me (or you, if you are in a similar circumstance) to do? Here are some tips to get you through this conundrum.
First, you have to learn how to do things alone. I have said this many times. Why, because I am living this existence every day. I make sure that whatever I do, is either during the day or early in the evening. Going out at night alone is not an option – unless I am going to a friend’s home for a soiree – and I usually spend the night if I have been drinking. If you are braver than I am, and enjoy going out at night, please do so. Just be careful in your surroundings.
Second, make plans with your married friends or friends who are single moms in advance. Have a night that all of you gather together at least once a month to go out and have fun. A lot of your pals would love for you to find someone and become married like them. So, they tend to try and rush the process any chance they get. This is usually in the form of setting you up with friends of their spouses. In this case, there are always places to go. Everyone loves to throw dinner parties and invite “new friends” for you to meet. So, take advantage of this opportunity to get out of the house.
Third and last, throw your own gatherings and invite friends over. You don’t have to leave the house all of the time. Let them come to you. Invite both the younger and the older friends and have fun. The younger crowd keeps us abreast of what’s happening. The older crowd can offer great advice. Some of us can give insight to them on what they are currently experiencing- because most likely, we’ve gone through something similar.
There are definitely going to be times when you cannot relate when your friends are bonding over marital and familial issues. In turn, they are not going to relate to some of the things that you may be experiencing.
Nonetheless, the takeaway is not to feel like a third wheel in your own life. Make yourself happy and live for you. Comparing and contrasting your life to others is never healthy. Your friends have their lives to live – work, the husband, and kids. Go and get your life and not worry about anyone else’s circumstances.
Enjoy your day,