During the start of any relationship, we see stars, we hear the birds singing, and we cannot see the forest for the trees. All we want to do is spend tremendous amounts of time together making googly eyes at each other. Once we get into a sweet spot in our relationship, we should now start becoming more acquainted with each other’s likes and dislikes, favorite foods, pet peeves, etc. As things progress and become serious, we begin to chat about the topic of marriage. Although, how in-depth are the discussions?
A lot of us think – hey we are really hitting it off and I truly believe that he/she is the one. If we are asked to elaborate on why we really want to marry this person, the answers can become quite random. You may hear someone say, he/she fits in perfectly with my family and friends and I love how he/she makes me feel. While those are terrific answers, is that going to be enough to sustain a marriage? If we are truly committed to the whole “getting married thing”, then we should be on the same page when it comes to more pertinent issues. Here are a five major topics that couples should discuss before making it to the alter:
- Know each other’s wants and needs in the bedroom: What sort of sexual relationship do you hope to have with your partner? When we are dating, we tend to go at it like bunnies. However, as we become comfortable with one another, it tends to taper off some. Honestly discuss what would be appropriate for the two of you throughout your relationship. For instance, how many times a day or week would you want to have relations. Or, what sexual positions or acts will make you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t ever want to bring in another individual into your relationship, now’s the time to speak up. How will the two of you handle infidelity? Try not to spring things on each other after the wedding.
- Do you want children: The topic of having children is extremely important. Discuss if you would like to have children, and if so, then how many. Do you know how soon you would like to start having children after the wedding? If you know that there is a possibility that you physically cannot have any babies, please be honest upfront. Be kind enough to give that person an option to stay or leave.
- Know how you would like to argue: If you never want to go to bed angry, please let this person know. If you do not want him/her yelling at you to the top of their lungs, by all means discuss with this person what is the best approach to handle disagreements.
- Finances: Financial problems can cause a break-up. What about having a pre-nuptial agreement? They are not just for the wealthy. Couples should discuss how we operate singularly. If you have major bills, come clean. Are you going to have a joint or separate bank account (s) – or both? Are you going to file taxes jointly or separately? Who will pay the gas bill, light bill, cable bill, car note, etc. Are you going to sit down together at the end of the month to do your monthly banking and budget?
- Spirituality: How do you both define your spirituality? How will you introduce it to your children?
We are approaching wedding season and I figured that this post may be beneficial to those of us who see our friends getting ready to take the plunge. Marriage is not something that we should take lightly. Before you are even asked or thinking of asking anyone, these issues are very important to address – alone and jointly. If couples can come to a general consensus regarding these issues, half of the battle is won. I’m no expert – so please have counseling before you decide to walk down that isle.
Have a wonderful weekend. Thank you for taking time to read this post.